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Confessionals in Lagos: questions, gist and link ups | Wetin

Confessionals in Lagos

88 posts about Confessionals. Newest first.

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Ajah · 9 Oct
Gist Confessionals
I've been pretending to be on a call every time my landlord passes. For two years.
It started with one hello? hello? I can't hear you. Now it's a full character. I have a fake colleague called Segun. I've argued with Segun about a shipment. I've told Segun we'll circle back. Last week my landlord stopped me, pointed at the phone and said greet Segun for me. He KNOWS. He has always known. I still said Segun, landlord says hi, into a phone that was on the home screen. Rent is due on the 30th.

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Surulere · 8 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I accidentally joined my husband's ex-wives' WhatsApp group

I was added to a WhatsApp group by mistake last year and it has improved my life. The group is called Alumni. It is my husband's ex-wives. All three. I'm number four. They post his mother's hospital dates and the school fees timetable. The pinned message says: when he tells you his card is not working, it is working. On day one somebody wrote welcome dear, he's sweet in year one, buy your own car in year two. I bought the car. I'm in year three. We're doing Secret Santa.

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VI · 6 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I got my boss's job by forwarding his private messages to HR. He sends me Christmas cards.

He had been quietly shifting client money into a personal account for months and it was in a group chat he thought was private. I did not hack anything. He added me by mistake. I forwarded it on a Friday, he was gone by Wednesday, and I was in his office by the following Monday. The company thanked me for vigilance. He sent a card last December, with a handwritten no hard feelings.

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VI · 6 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I sold our family land to two buyers. They met at the gate on Saturday.

I am in Dubai and my two brothers are in Lagos. The land belonged to our father and none of us could agree on a price, so I quietly sold it twice. I thought they would never meet, because one is building a house and the other a small warehouse. Then they both arrived on Saturday to start work. My cousin sent me the video of two grown men shaking hands before they started to shout.

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Surulere · 5 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I've been attending the wrong church for two years

Two years ago my friend invited me to his church, said it's the one after the filling station. There are two filling stations on that road. I've been attending the wrong one since. I only found out on Sunday when he asked why he never sees me. The thing is I'm now an usher here. I've paid building fund. The pastor knows my genotype. I don't think I can leave, and I'm not sure I want to? But is it weird to stay in a church you joined by mistake

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Ajah · 5 Oct

Gist Confessionals

My therapist is dating my ex

I need somebody to tell me if I can report this. Eleven sessions. ₦25k each. I told this woman everything about my ex. How he lies, what his face does when he's lying, the exact things he says when he wants to come back. Last month I entered a restaurant in Lekki and they were there. Together. One dessert. And she WAVED at me. Then she emailed that she's referring me to a colleague because of a conflict of interest. Conflict of interest!! I paid ₦275,000 to write her a manual on him.

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Lekki · 4 Oct

Ask Confessionals

I found my husband's second birth certificate

Quick one, is football age a thing people do outside football? Because I found a second birth certificate for my husband in his mother's wardrobe, brown envelope, under her wrappers. Same name, same hospital. Different year. The one I know says he's 44. This one says 51. So I married a man seven years older than the man I married. His mum walked in on me holding it. She didn't even blink. She said football age, put it back. That's all. She went back to her cooking.

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Yaba · 4 Oct

Ask Confessionals

What's a lie you told once that you now have to maintain forever?

I told my office I'm allergic to fish to avoid one team lunch in 2022. I love fish. I have eaten fish in secret, in my car, like a criminal.

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Ikeja · 3 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I am the anonymous account exposing my company. My boss thanks the mystery person in every meeting.

It began as a small thread about the canteen. Then someone sent me payslip screenshots, then a leaked memo about layoffs, and now 11,000 people follow an account that has never said who runs it. Every Monday, my boss opens the meeting by saying to whoever is behind that account, thank you for caring. I sit three seats away, writing notes, with a straight face.

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Ikoyi · 3 Oct

Ask Confessionals

What's a compliment you received years ago that you still think about?

A stranger in a lift said I look like I have my life together. I didn't. But I've been trying to catch up with her opinion since 2021.

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Yaba · 3 Oct

Gist Confessionals

I got a tattoo of her name. Her name was fake.

I have Adaora tattooed on my left arm. Six months into the relationship, I was in love, don't judge me. Her sister saw it at a barbecue and asked who is Adaora. Turns out that's the name she gives men she isn't sure about yet. Her real name is Blessing. The tattoo guy says the best he can do is turn it into a road. We're still together by the way, which is the part my friends can't get over.

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Surulere · 2 Oct

Gist Confessionals

Story time: I sent my resignation letter to the whole company by mistake. Then things got strange.

It was a DRAFT. Venting. Paragraph two said my line manager manages like a man reading instructions in a language he doesn't speak. I meant to send it to myself. I sent it to All Staff. 340 people. I turned off my phone and lay on the floor. When I turned it on: 61 replies. All of them +1. Two people attached THEIR drafts. The MD called me in, not to sack me. To ask what else is wrong. My line manager brings me tea now. I still work there. I got a raise.

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Ikeja · 2 Oct

Gist Confessionals

My fiancé's bachelor party sent me the wrong video

Wedding is Saturday. Today is Wednesday. At 11:40 last night his friend sent me a video by mistake. It was for Sola the groomsman, I'm saved as Sola Wife. It's fourteen seconds. My fiancé on a boat, no shirt, shouting at the camera that after Saturday he's a married man but tonight he's a concept. Then a woman's voice behind the camera says baby, come. I know my own voice. That's not it. The friend deleted it in nine seconds. I'd saved it in four. He just texted. Have you eaten.

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Ikeja · 1 Oct

Gist Confessionals

My landlord proposed to my mother

Okay so my mum came for ONE weekend to help me move in. My landlord saw her offloading pots from the car and since then he has not been himself. Service charge, waived. On Wednesday a goat came, alive, for her. Yesterday he knocked wearing agbada and said he wants to discuss his intentions. She's 61, my dad died nine years ago, and she's been smiling at her phone since. I owe this man two months rent. Is it bad that my first thought was whether the rent is now cancelled

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Your privacy choices

Confessionals in Lagos

I've been pretending to be on a call every time my landlord passes. For two years.

I accidentally joined my husband's ex-wives' WhatsApp group

I got my boss's job by forwarding his private messages to HR. He sends me Christmas cards.

I sold our family land to two buyers. They met at the gate on Saturday.

I've been attending the wrong church for two years

My therapist is dating my ex

I found my husband's second birth certificate

What's a lie you told once that you now have to maintain forever?

I am the anonymous account exposing my company. My boss thanks the mystery person in every meeting.

What's a compliment you received years ago that you still think about?

I got a tattoo of her name. Her name was fake.

Story time: I sent my resignation letter to the whole company by mistake. Then things got strange.

My fiancé's bachelor party sent me the wrong video

My landlord proposed to my mother